John has cancer.

Sitting with the reality of that on Monday (before I even knew it was the badass, angry Melanoma), it just wouldn’t sink in. Not my healthy, happy, never-sick husband. There’s no way he has cancer. But apparently, even healthy, happy, never-sick guys get cancer.

I’m so sorry.

His surgeon, who just 10 minutes before had left us concerned but with no diagnosis and then come back looking somber and uncomfortable after his phone conversation with the pathologist, opened with these words. In that moment, I knew our lives would change, at least for a while.

It’s Malignant Melanoma.

The phone call on Tuesday from John’s surgeon, after further testing of the 3 golf-ball sized lymph nodes they removed from his groin the day before, hit me like a ton of bricks. Hadn’t he been relieved when I had told him that John had had a full body exam in August (at my urging) and been given a clean bill of health? Hadn’t he said yesterday that this was the most aggressive form of cancer?

Here we go.

Today it’s only Wednesday. We’ve had just over 24 hours to process this information and John has already had a brain MRI (which was negative) and we’re set up with the oncologist on Friday for a PET scan. As we walked into the hospital today, I couldn’t help but feel as though we were getting onto a roller coaster with no emergency exit and heading up the first big hill before the scary drop off. Hang on baby. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Let me help.

I knew we had amazing family and friends. I’m not surprised by the outpouring of love, support, and offers of “let me know if there’s anything at all you need.” But I just have to say, we are truly blessed and I’m grateful every day for our close knit support community. We will lean on you, I am positive.

We’ll be fine.

This is rapidly becoming our mantra and we keep saying it to each other. I’m working hard to believe it. I am creating a vision of this journey being fast and easy and being on the other side wiser, healthier, and more connected.

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