Yesterday’s celebration of John’s life was nothing short of magical (and why does that not surprise me?). The love that was present for the entire day was life-affirming and I felt completely wrapped in that love and supported by all of the amazing people from John’s life and my own, some of whom traveled thousands of miles to be here. It was an entire twelve hours (at least) of TRUE celebration.
The service was exactly what John wanted (and planned out before he died), right down to the end of the video & the theme from The Golden Girls (“Thank You For Being A Friend”) that he requested we use, and the colorful, balloon-filled reception orchestrated by our sweet friend Lynnette. His hand was present (just like his loving energy) in the entire day.
At the end of the night, as the celebration at our home was winding down (and the over 50 people who crammed into our cozy house filtered out), I realized that the divine, magical, positive, loving “vibe” from the day was just like the energy of our vow renewal weekend last Labor Day. There was just nothing but love.
After I spoke yesterday, I sat down and pretty much wept through the rest of the service, but once it was done, there were no more tears for the rest of the day. Just connection, stories shared, love, and laughter. It was absolutely amazing and beautiful.
Here’s the most incredible thing of all. For the past literally 18 months or so, none of us in our home have been sick. I’m not kidding. Neither John, Eli, nor I have had so much as a sniffle. John always joked that he was the most healthy Stage IV cancer patient ever because, other than the cancer, he felt great. I know that I just didn’t allow myself to get sick because I had to stay healthy to take care of him.
I woke up about 3:30 yesterday morning with that tell-tale scratchy throat and chest congestion that warned of an impending bad cold. I was devastated that it threatened to ruin this most important day. I downed some Airborne and started using Zinc and hoped for the best. All was well for the entire day until about 9:00 last night, when I started getting hoarse and feeling really tired. As the evening wore down, it kept getting worse and I had less and less voice left.
I woke up this morning with literally no voice and a bad cold. It’s like my body is saying, “Ok. Now you can let go. You’ve loved and supported and cared for John beautifully through this journey and you made it through the perfect celebration of his life. Time to let down, let go, and allow yourself to focus on you for a little while.” I guess It was pretty inevitable that I’d get sick once it was all said and done.
My plan for today is to chill out, stay in my sweats, lay on the couch, and let my mom take care of me. I am exhausted and content all at once. We could not have asked for a better day yesterday. It was just totally magical and divine and confirmed the new theme I’ve adopted for my life over the past week, “Blessed Be.”.
#lovetrumpscancer #livelikejohnny #blessedbe