2017-06-16 18.32.19About a year into John’s cancer battle, after I’d been writing the blog consistently and people started saying I should turn it into a book, I remember my standard answer was that I would write the book once I had my happy ending. At that time, the only happy ending I could imagine was John beating cancer and us living happily ever after. When he died, I honestly thought, if I did write the book, the best I could hope for was an ending where I’d come to grips with losing him and was managing to survive without him.

It dawned on me recently that I actually DO have my happy ending now that I’ve met Mark. Once I get to the end of the story when I write my book next month, the final chapter will be about love and hope and finding both again after suffering the most devastating loss imaginable.

I won’t say I believe in happily ever after anymore (because I have a very acute understanding of how fragile life is and how precious every moment), but I do know that what I’m feeling now is something I honestly never thought I’d feel again. Optimistic about a future spent with someone who gets me better than anyone (alive – since John was the only other person who fell into that category), loves me unconditionally, and with whom I can see myself building a life. I honestly can’t believe I’ve found someone so perfect for me after losing someone so amazing.It feels like I’ve won the lottery twice in my life. Just like I said on the day John died, in the end, love wins. Cancer loses and love wins.

I’d like at least 40 more years with Mark. That might be enough time to trust that happily ever after concept again.

We’ll see. #livelikejohnny #lovetrumpscancer

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