Two years ago today, after a seemingly endless eternity of sadness and painful letting go, I said goodbye for the final time to my sweet Johnny. I have never known a better husband, father, brother, son, or human being and I daresay I never will. As I looked back on my Facebook memories for today, I realize that I’m in a totally different place in my life at this two year mark.
Do I still grieve this huge, tragic loss? Without a doubt. Do I still miss him? Every single day. But I’m moving on with intention and passion and building a new life, in part because that’s exactly what he expected, demanded even, that I do. I feel settled into my new home and city. I have friends and family close by and my life is filled with people who love and support me.
Mark says he worries that he could never fill the hole John left. I agree with him. Nothing will ever fill that void. But he’s opening up beautiful new spaces in my heart and helping me to see a path through the rest of my life that’s filled with love and laughter and happiness.
That’s all John ever wanted for me while he was alive and after he died. I think he’s smiling down today, proud of where I am and happy that I’m happy.
I love you babe. I miss you. I’m grateful for the short time we had and all that you taught me. You gave me the gift of myself and taught me how to be loved. I will never stop missing you. #lovetrumpscancer #livelikejohnny